"if you keep experiencing the same thing over and over, then you are stuck in the Bardo"
It is said that after the body dies, the person experiences a series of intense hallucinations. Images of wrathful and terrifying form arise that make the wandering soul recoil in fear. Images of beauty and lust cause the confused spirit to grasp with desire. The trick, though, is that all these images are projections of the wandering being's own mind. The failure to recognize the origin of these tantalizing and terrifying illusions, they say, is what forces us to take on rebirth again and again.
When I think on this, I'm struck by how relevant it is to the practice of conscious interrelating. Have you ever noticed that the same patterns seem to keep emerging in your life?
As a practitioner, I have noticed this in myself, and as a coach, I get to hear about it a lot. Oddly, it seems that my clients might try all sorts of affirmations, exercise routines, new dating sites, and the like, and yet still get the same ol' results. I think that I've seen people only getting the same results through these methods because they fail to grasp the fundamental insight "It's not you, it's me".
It can be very difficult to stop seeing the world outside ourselves as a solid thing, coming 100% from "out there" - and yet, if we can pause from that external projection, we can gain powerful insight that will change our whole life. It is said that the Bardo is one of the places where - with training - a yogi can recognize the true nature of her Mind, and can transcend the suffering style of life we've grown so used to. What is this training like? First is being able to observe "I want to run away, that's a SCARY MONSTER!" or "I wanna get a piece of that fine hottie over there!" Notice these impulses and be able to pause from acting on them - don't believe what the mind wants to tell you. Then, recognize "Oh wait, scary monster, I'm sorry... it's not you, it's ME!" They say that the results of practicing in this way are like learning to Lucid Dream - all of a sudden you wake up and you are in control. No, you haven't turned into a control freak... and you can still be pleasantly surprised, but all the stress gets removed because you realize that the reality which is appearing is something that you have always been a part of, cooperating.
Relationship, it seems, can be like a miniature Bardo, and seeing the same thing over and over can be a wake up call to look within yourself - the dreamer. If your partner keeps looking like a scary monster, maybe it's time to stop running or fighting, but to simply recognize where the monster really came from. If other people's partners keep looking like attractive gods and goddesses, perhaps the moment is ripe to not grasp at them, but look within and remember why you dreamed them.
If we can stop, and recognize the nature of what is arising, we have a chance to be liberated in this kind of Bardo. Instead of throwing ourselves into the same kind of rebirth we've been seeing all along, we will "Level Up" planting a new dream by changing ourselves with knowledge. When we see the alluring and terrifying illusions as the play of our own heart looking back to us, we become very concerned with the quality of that heart. As Master Patanjali said in the Yoga Sutras: "when the images begin to torment you, sit down and work out the antidote."
When we understand this, then even though the monsters out there certainly look scary, and the deities sure are cute, we see that their nature is like a dream - it is flexible, and ultimately our own responsibility. It is only then that we can take a new adventure - an adventure into finding where the dream came from, what is possible, and how fun it could possibly be!
Happy dreaming fellow travelers.
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