The idea of "soul-mates" has been on my mind for many years, and I think that it comes up for many of us, whether we identify as more mainstream, or more new-age in our beliefs. The biggest way I hear about this is the continual questioning from people searching for relationships: "will he/she be THE ONE?!?".
The idea of soul mates maybe goes back to Platonic philosophy of ancient Greece - which proposed that souls were once a union of male and female parts, which were then divided before coming here to earth. This division leads to the sense that many of us are constantly seeking our "other half".
When I first heard about this philosophy, I thought it was beautiful - and in many ways, I still do. But at the same time, in most cases it only seems to cause trouble. I think this is because "soulmate", like "God", is something that one does, not something that one is.
So, where's the problem here? I think it involves a kind of either/or thinking that doesn't actually correspond to reality! Is the person or is she not your "soulmate" is a question whose answer might change from moment to moment or day to day. Instead, what if we could ask: "can I soul-mate with this person?"
mate1
māt/
noun
- 1.each of a pair of birds or other animals."a male bird sings to court a mate"
synonyms: match, fellow, twin, companion, other half, equivalent
"this sock has lost its mate" - 2.a fellow member or joint occupant of a specified thing."his tablemates"
synonyms: partner, life partner, husband, wife, spouse, lover, live-in lover,significant other, companion, helpmate, helpmeet, consort;
When we get to the verbs, though, that's where things really heat up!
First, "to connect or be connected mechanically." I think that the major implication of soul-mating is that two souls connect - that you connect on the level of your deepest inner being, or "soul". So, on the level of a committed intimacy, this makes something wonderful happen YOU GET TO DECIDE WHETHER THIS IS YOUR SOUL MATE - in each moment! You make this decision by deciding whether you can connect with them on the level of your deep inner being.
A sufi said that any moment spent in the full remembrance of the Divine is virtue, and any moment spent out of connection with the Divine is sin. I think it's this way with soul-mating. When we our connecting on a deep level, our souls find a way to match each other, find a way to couple together and compliment. In any moment where we feel that this is possible from our side - that we can stay connected to the other's heart, that we can remain open to the possibility of serving each other's inner- most being, we will feel like we are in contact with the divine. We will feel like we are present with a divine partner and something very important is taking place.
On the other hand, any moment we imagine that there is no way we can connect with this being, we will feel alone, and that the interaction is without meaning. We will begin to cast the notion on this other that they are not important to the development and expression of our soul.
The other meaning I find useful is "come together for breeding; copulate." Well, there's the obvious usefulness of this definition! But I think something even deeper is possible than physical procreation. What does it mean to copulate with the soul? What would it mean if our deepest being were to bring forth new life with another?
I think perhaps this is the true meaning of "soul-mate" as a verb. To soulmate is to unite on the deepest level, and to bring forth something new from your union. In the higher teachings of Daoist yoga, this is the only reason to take a partner - each being is complete unto her/himself, unlike the old greek stories - but it is seen that only through uniting together, can something brand new be created!
I once heard a Tibetan Buddhist teacher talk about "consort practice" - in which one, rather than remaining monastically celibate, engages in spirituality through relationship. What struck me most from this teaching, though, was the notion that at the highest levels everything becomes your "consort". This is not some mystical version of swinging! Rather, it is placing the responsibility for soulmating squarely in your own hands. You are bringing forth new life through every interaction you have - but you can choose to see this as deeply meaningful, you can choose to bring forth those creations in alignment with what is alive as your essential being. Or you can choose to continue to create new life as if such a thing as a "superficial" relationship was possible. The choice is up to you!
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